Human Potential

I think of man as a Swiss Army Knife. The tool has many purposes, not just one. So too is man. For those believers in God, God is known as Omnipotent, Omniscient. He is Master of Economics; Master of Science; A Man of Mathematics; Man of Arts; Master of All-things. So to, if we are His literal children, destined to be like Him - should we so incline and desire. So man is able to be many things.

They say there is a 10,000 hour rule if one is to perfect something. However, there apparently is research where one can speed it dramatically - 6 months. The process used is called "modeling." Here one learns from another who already has spent the time and effort necessary to be a master of that realm. The difference is, the person who has mastered it knows exactly what to do, the positives, and what not to do, the negatives. Knowing that, the learner only focuses their time on the positives, and does not look at the negatives. The mind is consistently being bombarded with positive, therefore allowing one to increase dramatically their skill.

HR

So basically, I came to like a girl. Girl becomes the most awesome person ever. I decide to stop fooling around and act serious. Before that, it was all magical, but I took it as a joke. Get serious mode = backfires on me. I felt robbed. Still do. And here I am. That decision to just keep on moving forward. It's always been there, I just haven't learned to accept. Girls...dang girls.... I hate this game.

Dance of Love

"A man only begins to be a man when he ceases to whine and revile, and commences to search for the hidden justice which regulates his life. And as he adapts his mind to that regulating factor, he ceases to accuse others as the cause of his condition, and builds himself up in strong and noble thoughts; ceases to kick against circumstances, but begins to use them as aids to his more rapid progress, and as a means of discovering the hidden powers and possibilities within himself." -James Allen (As A Man Thinketh, p. 10)

Such a lovely paragraph. This reminds me of a person within my own family. I began reading "As A Man Thinketh" again. The stuff written in that book creates a rhythm in tune with my soul (though it has nothing to do with my own family). When I read that paragraph, I had to tell someone about it, I just could not contain it within me. The only person I knew I could call and share and would appreciate what I read was my friend named Marcus; understanding it in the same level though, I don't know, but at least he would appreciate it - or maybe he would understand it in a deeper level than I would?

Now what is this soul that I speak of? There may be some readers out there who don't believe in the concept of Spirit, of Soul. Spirit and Soul, however, are two different things. Whether you believe it or not will never change the truthfulness of its existence.

• Spirit is that which pierces your heart, like jumping in cold water, body feels a sharp jolt: muscles restrict, bones shrink, mind constricts trying to reprogram itself, and it all happens quickly. However, once heart is pierced by Spirit, instead of cold there is warmth; When the flower feels the warmth of the sun caress its body, it breaks through dark shell and blossom a beautiful Rose - that is the same warmth. That is the same warmth your heart feels, as if the sun itself were touching and caressing your own heart. It stirs you, it moves you, it awakens inside of you something familiar and you want to express...express whatever it was that was shackled, like the Rose in its dark shell.
• Soul is the joining of the Body and Spirit. The two intertwine and a marriage ruptures between two states, Body and Spirit. That warmth extends beyond the heart and restrains your whole Body, then soothes it, calms it, loves it. Then Body trusts fully the Spirit. The two dance like fire and paper, the glow of the Spirit envelops the Body and the Body becomes one with Spirit. A new height is reached, one of supernal nature and of eternal worth, Soul. It's a holy matrimony, one of pure love and essence. It is Godly in its purest form. I love it. Oh how my heart wants it.

That is Soul. That is what I envision to with all my undertakings. It's not just passion I want, it is the whole of my Soul that I want poured into my works. 

Yes, "As A Man Thinketh" contains my love for the attainment of perfection. Am I obsessed with perfection? I don't even know what perfection truly is in this life, but all I want is to understand what I am capable of. All I want is to accomplish my true potential, however that is not just my want for myself, it is what I want for others. I want others to be able to awaken from their prison and WAKE! I want them to find themselves and to rally up their souls to a just cause, a cause that awakens every fiber of their being! All this dross that brings one down, and comforts them there, oh that is not what I want for others. I envision a world where love reigns at its fullest and all perfect potential has been recognized in others. A world of love, a world of peace.

It's amazing what man's mind can do! I love to find people of equal caliber or higher! Those who desire to bring their passion into this world to cause a stir and a change! To create a world of equality into the life of others! I love to see others who are passionate, hear music that is passionate, read art that is passionate. I was introduced to a poet named Rumi and the instant I read one poem from him, I was in love. It was unable to explain how my heart was pierced and my soul awakened! If you have never heard of Rumi, I recommend you read his art works. It lifted my spirit up to a different realm and I didn't want to return back. That is what is special about the Soul. Once you are acquainted with things of the Spirit, you are reaching a higher plane, a higher level of understanding. And the instant you return back from a high level to where you were before-hand, to the awakened Soul, to the enlightened person, you are not able to hold still anymore. You no longer are satisfied but the mundane lifestyle had before. No. You are wanting more. You are a seeker of love now. Your Soul has been awakened and aroused to love. You are in love. You are then in position to not recreate, but return to that same "exalted" state you were in. What was once surreal becomes reality. Reality then is where you seek to return, your life seeks to return.

-----

Well, I had intended to write about a trip to Arizona to see Radiohead and after looking back at it, it was really funny! Radiohead!! AHHHH!!! Love it! But soul comes first. Reason with the soul. Reason with the soul.

Blank Page

If you are reading this then that is because you figured out what I did in order to have a blank page. I wanted a long, blank page but if I just pressed enter repeatedly then it would only appear as if I pressed it once followed by my "signature." 


Oh boy! It's early morning! I have a bad habit of sleeping late so that is something I am going to change. Early to bed, early to rise. That is so true when I practiced it long ago. I don't know how people can stay up late. After a period of time where I've been staying up late, it really affects the mind to a degree where it just does not function at its capacity. I don't believe there are exceptions to anybody; it always affects us. Plus, the mind is full of inspiration and ready to receive inspiration when it's early in the morning and how I love that inspiration!


I was looking at prices for sky-diving. It's not a cheap thrill, but man! How I would love to go sky-diving! Ever since a friend planted the idea in high school, it just seems so amazing! To fly through the air...the atmosphere moving around you, the dance of wind and body, penetrating the colloquial sky. The rapture that mesmerizes you, sustains you, pulls you, guides you. Body meets Heaven. 


I had an epiphany on Sunday, March 11, 2012 in the afternoon. It was so subtle, but once the idea grasped me, it worked itself through me. It was as if my eyes were opened. I loved it. In Provo, Utah (go figure)...I would have found myself. It was so simple! I've been taught it for a good portion of my young-adult hood (which by the by, seeing how I'll be 23 in May 2, am I still considered a youth? I believe I am. True adult-hood really is reached until around late 20's, but I could be wrong. Eh, my opinion. But looking at my current generation, many kids my age still seem to be just that, kids. HAHAHAHAHA oh boy I love this world!)


I took a plane to California last month. I didn't realize I was sitting in first-class until I was in the middle of the flight. It was so fancy. I didn't know how to react. I was treated with more respect, but that respect seemed so artificial to me. How come I didn't get that exact same treatment when I'd fly economy? I don't care if money talks, I want others to be treated with that exact same level of hospitality. I told my brother that I didn't like it. He was quick to get on the attack and tell me "fine. Next time you'll be flying coach." Later on I said thank you to him and how appreciative I was for flying First-class (I secretly did enjoy it...how shameful of me). Truth be told, I really didn't enjoy it too much because I felt that I shouldn't deserve, or rather, be entitled to such treatment. It felt as if I was high-class, and it brought shame to me. Maybe it's the opinions of others, as if I'm rolling in money...I hate money, I absolutely detest it (because hate is such a strong word). I would rather be with others who are in Economy class, I feel comfortable there. However, I am planning on flying to Taiwan the second week of April and plan on being there for the minimum of 2 weeks (April 20, Taichung! Oh yeah! Totally going to live that night up with all those foreigners! I mean, it's Taichung! The city is ridiculous! Frankly, all of Asia is ridiculous...and I love it!) and the seats that are only offered for the flight are business-class and first-class, no coach.... Well I know what I said earlier, but I may have to take the offer for Business-class, especially when all I spend will be around $400 round-trip and business class is expensive (last I remember, to Japan it was around $10,000), PLUS! the flight to Asia is a long one, and I know I shouldn't fall asleep while travelling to and from, but the seats.... Nevermind service, the seats! So. Comfy.


Well I end this little random writing that whoever was able to figure this out, bien hecho! The title, "Blank Page" is to signify after an interesting period in my life, a period by which I sought to figure "it" out (you know, IT...the big, heartfelt questions to one's life), after a lot of battling and struggling within, I realized it. A new start. A fresh page. A blank page. I'm not forsaking a past I had, I'm just not letting the past dictate my present to ruin and eradicate a bright future that I am meant to enjoy. That future I so want. I had to plead for this. I have been so grateful for all of it. That spiritual side could never be abandoned. Oh how I'm grateful for the Atonement of Christ. I mean, it's crazy after having studied much about it, I still learn more about it. Man really is nothing. We don't comprehend it. Oh how I needed to grow up. Oh, how I needed it all. Oh, how I loved it all. I want you to know, whoever is reading this, that I love this Church. I know it deep and fully within in my eternal soul that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the one and only true Church on the face of the planet. I am not apologetic of that statement. I know it, God knows I know it, and by the power of the Holy Ghost, I know it is true. Christ and His Atonement, it is a perpetual life changer. However many times one wants to think that I just speak in a manner of speech, please don't be passive about this. I am 100% certain of it. You can tear me up and break everything about me, but you will never destroy my undying spirit! No! You will never be able to! I am bound to a God I love. I am in debt to a Savior who ransomed me. If you are not a member, please, ask me a question or even search us up, www.mormon.org. Better yet, meet with missionaries, and please be willing to accept what they have to say. Put aside any doubt you may have and try an experiment. Test it out to see if it is true, and I can promise you if you really intend to know if it is true, you will receive an answer from God, by the power of the Holy Ghost, an answer dedicated to you and meant for you, formed for you. I love you all.


Until next time, hasta proximo, 再見 (although you may get the idea that that means "bye" in Chinese, you split the words down, 再 = again, 見 = see; so, see you again, or see you later).


....dang it was supposed to be hidden...man...I don't even want to try to figure it out...lame....

~Philippe

The Self-Realization, Prelude

I quote from a book, "It's true, I am afraid of dying. I am afraid of the world moving forward without  me, of my absence going unnoticed, or worse, being some natural force propelling life on. Is it selfish? Am I such a bad person for dreaming of a world that ends when I do? I don't mean the world ending with respect to me, but every set of eyes closing with mine."

Spent time with my mother tonight, have been doing so for a bit this past week. She invited me to go see a movie with her. She did so last night but I didn't go due to work.
(To get side-tracked, I accepted a job opportunity that I will be quitting come Monday. What is going on with my life? Everything has been topsy-turvy since returning from Taiwan back in the Summer of 2010. What am I doing? Who am I wanting to be? I knew not for the longest time those answers...I still don't. I am lost, wanting to figure out these questions. My brother asked me the question mid-December, "what is it that you are wanting? What are you trying to find?" My only reply was, "I wish I knew." And with that he was dumbfounded. "What do you mean you wish you knew?" "I'll tell you when I find out." I decided to not attend Winter semester for university. I gave up during Fall semester, wondering what my purpose was, what is it all for. This realization has been in the making and finally has revealed itself within the Fall semester and now. I was unsure. Firm footing I had none, I was free-falling to somewhere, somewhere I didn't know. A weak version of me has been displayed for a long time, and I am trying to find my mind, and myself. Who I am now is not what I want, but I wish to see myself as a strong version of me)
This night I went with her to the movies. We began watching Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows but she wanted to watch War Horse an hour into the film. I didn't complain, my mother wanted time with me, I was going to give it to her. War Horse made me extremely emotional, yet it had nothing to do with the characters or the main protagonist itself.

War.... The rape of the Earth. The work of death spreads through all men like a mad virus. Hell brought to man's eyes. Oh! the sadness of man! The plight of our creation. Who is man when in war? What is man when in war? In front of war-worn man lies the abstraction that is Death. Sadly, Death's messenger delivers the message and sees the same abstraction, a representative of Death. How? How could you kill a fellow being? Don't you see you and I are the same? Our skin colors may be different and we may speak a different language, but do we not have hair? Two eyes? Two hands? A mouth? Feet? Do we not breathe in the same air!? And yet with all these similarities, we kill because we are not the same nationality, same religion, same mentality, same brotherhood. Hitler, as atrocious as he was, resonated truth to his saying, "how fortunate for leaders that men do not think." There was a time when I looked at war as something that was grand, that it was a respected title to have, Soldier. Now, I am terrified by war. It scares me. Never do I want to see the hand of man rip open the cavity of the human soul, and tear their life away, that life which was a vessel for good and progression, if taught correctly. It was those scenes of war that caused me to shun my eyes with my tears because of sad destruction that filled the screen. Humans became animals. The polar opposite of a God degraded to a devil, a monster, an animal.

"We have become wild beasts. We do not fight, we defend ourselves against annihilation. It is not against men that we fling our bombs, what do we know of men in this moment when Death is hunting us down---now, for the first time in three days we can see his face, now for the first time in three days we can oppose him; we feel a mad anger. No longer do we lie helpless, waiting on the scaffold, we can destroy and kill, to save ourselves, to save ourselves and to be revenged."

This. This sad realization that man is meant for noble stature defeated by the mass genocide of the human race. Then, midst the sadness that is war, camps switch and you begin to witness the German front. Two brothers enter, one brother with the promise made to his mother that he'd protect his younger brother, the other with the desire to please his father. War ravishes between France and Germany and soon the orders are given, separate the two; young one to the front, the older stay behind. Here is when I couldn't contain myself. "NO! NO! DON'T YOU REALIZE HE WILL DIE!? AN ORDER TO THE FRONT FOR THE GERMANS IS A DEATH SENTENCE...and they will all never see those whom they loved...." I was in pain for them. Life, taken within an instant. Their deaths glorifies Destruction. Then, this quote deepened my pain, etched along my heart and soul the grooves that causes me to sympathize,

"Comrade, I did not want to kill you. If you jumped in here again, I would not do it, if you would be sensible too. But you were only an idea to me before, an abstraction that lived in my mind and called forth its appropriate response. It was that abstraction I stabbed. But now, for the first time, I see you are a man like me. I thought of your hand-grenades, of your bayonet, of your rifle; now I see your wife and your face and our fellowship. Forgive me, comrade. We always see it too late. Why do they never tell us that you are poor devils like us, that your mothers are just as anxious as ours, and that we have the same fear of death, and that same dying and the same agony---Forgive me, comrade; how could you be my enemy? If we threw away these rifles and this uniform you could be my brother.... Take twenty years of my life comrade, and stand up---take more, for I do not know what I can even attempt to do with it now."

Who am I? What am I? Why am I? Where am I? Why? Why? Why!? I didn't go to work Saturday. They called but I never answered nor responded. Reckless, I know. But hey, now I can say I have done it. I accepted the job! It sounded too good to be true, and my brother's words rang back to me now, "if it sounds too good to be true, then it probably isn't." The man made promises, guaranteed, yet when the time came for getting things done, it never happened. I wanted to make something happen, but for the man, tomorrow, tomorrow. Then I realized, I don't want to work 12 hours a day, 6 days a week. On top of that, I was offered $1,600/month. Do the math, that's a little less of $5.50. What did I get myself in? Yeah what he offered to me sounded wonderful, amazing! Regional Manager, but that's if I stayed with him. Then I saw and questioned, how was he going to provide for me when he wasn't even providing for himself? Then, when he began to fill certain contracts, he asked me how to spell and wanted to know if that looks right and if that is how it should be filled. I have pity, he never went through elementary, yet he could have, but chose not to. Soon, I would be hearing stories of families leaving, being broken, adultery and divorce. Then a customer comes in and tells of similar stories---less than an hour before that my step-mother called to inform me that she would be divorcing my father. Shock surged into my mind, no comparison can be made to the speed of such. I was tired of hearing such, the world that I envisioned was marred by the reality weak men and women have made (but even the strong fall). I hate it all! Why the destruction of something that is so precious to me, the family? Will I no longer witness the calamity but live to tell about it in the future? NO! I will not! I will fight! I will fight for my family because the family is so dear to me! I don't want to live through such, not again. Then the man says, "you all are talking, but I wan'a hear from him. He's been quite the whole time." I didn't respond. I was incapacitated, but I was conscious. My arms folded. What do you want to hear from me? You blame it on the women, but aren't men at fault here too? Where was the unity that was supposed to exist? Where did it all crumble and turn wrong? I have decided, I will look for a 9-5 job; my family is too precious too me and if I have to sacrifice what I want for the stability and protection of my family, so be it! I want my time with my family! My family is precious to me and I will see to it that it is not ruined but protected. Maybe it's because of that, men leave their wife unattended to for hours on end (here for example, 12 hours, the boss does more) that leave their wive's deprived of company, love, of a help-meet. But women! Why play with such inhibition? Is it sexist to say that married women should avoid working? I have seen married women give in to the advances of their co-workers, and now a family lies dead in memories. Who is safe? Am I sexist when I want the protection of the one I love?

I left my work, but how I miss learning. That time I worked, after seeing the state of a man, of work filled with hours away from family, sunk in me that I miss learning and I want an education. Now I learn, though I am away from school. I have started to learn Accounting. Who knows, it could be of benefit in the future. Books that were kindly left behind have become my University. What those books contain perhaps will open my eyes, will feed a soul that is starving for knowing himself. Who is Philippe Valer? Like Ayn Rand writes, "who is John Galt?" I am unlearned in the ways of knowledge, of literature. I have damned myself near the end of elementary when I decided not to read again...how I used to read in the past. Give me a book, I would read. 1,000 page books were exciting to me. Wisdom contained in different pages, a new world to be had. I blame it all on Harry Potter (I shouldn't have followed it, because those were the last books I read before I said that I don't want to read), but what's the point on putting a scapegoat? I have damned up an education for myself by not reading. I am unlearned. I am not cultured, as I have been taught by my mother, "be cultured." I have no position, I have no stance. "Give me something; tell me this, tell me that, I will piece together what you say". I am a walking opinion of others. Where was my voice? I have none. When placed next to others who are cultured, well read, I am put to shame, shame because of the time I wasted, of a perfectly good opportunity that I could have taken advantage of but didn't. I write now, I write with my heart. It helps to let my heart do the talking, though I find myself to not be good at it, there are others whose writings I cherish in because of how powerful they write. I don't know any other way of writing. I told my mom that I write, that I will write poetry and what not. She told me that she is not surprised, that she knew that I had something for it. She then told me that she used to write to, that she wrote a fairly large collection of poetry (compiled into a book) while she was living in Peru, but she threw it away. She threw it away because her family, especially her mother would ridicule her, and most likely punish her. "Perhaps that is where you got your want for writing. Perhaps it came from me." I got my want for writing while serving a mission, but over the past semester it was opened unto me.

My life has been spiraling down since I returned back from Taiwan in 2010. How could this be? Having had the opportunity to serve a mission for the LDS church, I have arrived to the conclusion that you should lose yourself (lose yourself in the work of serving others, forgetting about yourself and only care for others), that when you lose yourself, you find yourself. I believe it. So why do I say I have not found myself, that I do not know who I am? I have found myself with regards to the mission that I am a child of God, the son of a King and Creator. I have found myself that I am nothing without God, that I would not be able to accomplish much were it not for the Atonement. I have found myself in relation to others around me, that I am merely a brother to others, a vessel of love to a family so real yet we quite don't fully grasp it. In Gospel sense, I have found myself.

So what do I mean when I say I have to find myself, that I am lost and falling to somewhere I don't know. This, who is Philippe Valer? Who is this person that is me? What am I? Why am I? What am I doing here? This all began half-way through the mission I served as I studied President Kimball's "Miracle of Forgiveness" where he begins to talk about the mind. Then, he recommended the book, "As a Man Thinketh" to the which I have now read. The mind of man, the possibilities of man, the potential of man. Man is made for something great (thus why I am ashamed of my lack of knowledge around others who are learned). But the more I learned, the more it took possession of me, the more the thoughts of inquisition, who am I? Like Gautama, I plan on pursuing my journey of enlightenment, though different in nature. I don't seek to find Nirvana, I don't seek anything of the sort. Though it seems that this is Spiritual, I can't neglect the Spiritual with my Physical. Everything about me will be questioned. I don't go to have fun. I am not going on a vacation. This is purely a pilgrimage to me. It may seem rash, but this is something that I have thought of for a long time...now...now is the time to take advantage, to seize it before it slips. I plan on returning to school come April, and I have but  a few months to do this, but everything now is in position for this. Shut the world behind me, I will return, but let me find myself before I am able to be of help to you. 

Realization (to myself)

It's been a long time since I've posted a blog. Originally, the purpose of me beginning a blog was due to a requirement for a Writing class at Brigham Young University. Honestly, I was looking forward to having a blog because I love the expression of the human mind. However, I only posted twice and never made it a priority to post my thoughts. Yet I feel no need to contain myself and my expressions! I want to bear my soul to whoever reads this! This, like many other ventures I pursue that express my whole soul, is my monument to the world! Hate if you are going to hate! Love if you are going to love! Who I am will not be a result of your opinion and attitude towards me. Conceptualize me however you desire; compartmentalize my mind. If I change for people, it is those people who are very dear to me---so near to my heart, whom I love and cherish, for the good and bad that we have gone through. Don't take me for a cold person, for I wish to love everyone as purely as I love those whom I love and there will be a point in my life where I have succeeded in unrestrained pure love that will one day be seen and lived. I just said what I said because if I were to allow my image and my nature be weighed upon by the opinions of others, then I display not one identity but a plethora of people, all inhibiting my shell which I call my body. Who would I be if I was living not just a double-identity, triple-identity but a manifold identity? I don't want to be driven like the chaff in the wind. Security, surety, this is what I want. My changes should always be one for the best, for good, one that shows progression, that seizes potential.

Recently a very, very dear friend of mine, Sondra, has the opportunity to go to South Korea as an Au Pair for a family there. She is very dear to me. She would be gone for nearly half of 2012 and then she plans on leaving for a mission which is 18 months for her. When she told me that she was planning on going to South Korea, I was speechless. Honestly, I had no idea how to react. I was happy, yet not happy (not angry nor frustrated but a void in one's life). Yet I knew she knew what she was doing and when I woke up today in the morning, a soft impression entered my mind and thinking which made me happy to know that she herself is receiving her guidance and is being well directed, something that I find so crucial and important. I mention her because she is going on an amazing adventure and here I lay not being able to explore other lands and see the world that I want to see and understand. Jealousy rushed through me.

-------------

Sunday, January 8, 2012
(In continuation to above)

Jealousy seized me, similar to leaving a warm home and stepping outside into Winter's bone-chilling winds that begins from the spine and embraces your chest. I questioned myself, "why? Why am I so envious and jealous?" The answer was because she was leaving this land and pursuing that which she felt while I was stuck here, wanting to go somewhere else but I couldn't leave. I felt inadequate at that moment. I wanted to gain experience, and she was getting it. Brasil was an option, but it felt so wrong that I did not pursue it further.

However, after not too long of the passing of time, this wasn't about me. It was about her. My place at the current moment was not to go somewhere else to find myself. No, my place was here, in preparation for those things which are to come to pass. Sounds prophetic, doesn't it? I take a bold stance that as humans, we are capable of grand enlightenment. Wordsworth speaks poetically as such:

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar:
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home:
Heaven lies about us in our infancy!

And he continues:

Blank misgivings of a Creature
Moving about in worlds not realized....

Lovely poem. "But trailing clouds of glory do we come from God, who is our home." Though man has left that glorious home, everything is not destroyed. No, that glory remains firmly embedded within us. I use this quote because my belief, faith and religion has quoted this poem in the past and it is because of my hearing of it that the thought popped into my head to describe this, for the which I am incredibly grateful, especially to know the Truth in its complete form.

And I was extremely happy because she was following that same enlightenment, enlightenment that will show her who she is and what she is. I had jealousy no longer. A desert, dried of water and nourishment, explodes with life as rain kisses its parched face; so was my joy for her. Happiness dove in me and grew in abundance to a point where my frame could no longer hold it. Hallelujah was my cry!

Now me. Who am I? What am I? Why am I? When am I? Midst all these I couldn't continue to move with the flow, I can't. A realization sparked my mind and I was wanting to fight the current, to escape the rigidity of life. Yet should I fight against the current, I would lose because of the amount of pressure and force that is working against me! I am not working against it, it is working against me! But there has to be a way out of it. That's what I'm looking for, there is a way. There has to be a way to everything, right? I refuse to stop until every idea, every method, every ability has been exhausted. I slowly have pulled myself out of the water onto land, slowly have broken free from the grasp of the slippery hand. If I left school for a moment, am I crazy? If I want to experience life as a gypsy, am I crazy? If I see life differently, am I crazy?

I'm tired...sleep needs my company

*William Wordsworth, "Trailing Clouds of Glory", http://www.bartleby.com/101/536.html

Breath of Fresh Water

My mantra: always do hard things. While in Taiwan, my Mission President would always repeat to us, "Taichung missionaries always do hard things!" I have molded myself into reflecting that motto. Man! I love it! That's what made Thursday so wonderful; I believe my Writing teacher finally has taken a liking to me, or so it seems. I say that because of what took place for the first two weeks of the Fall semester.

I was really looking forward to taking Writing 150 from my friend. When Fall time neared, BYU finally decides to post who the teachers will be teaching at what time. Lucky for me, her class was full. After talking to her we decided that I would attend her class, however just for my own precautions, I would find a class that is the same time as hers. Should I not be able to enroll in my friend's class, I would just switch into the class that was selected. Two weeks go by and I walk into the class I previously enrolled in and a sense of frustration seems to enter my current Writing teacher's frame. The moment I glimpsed this, I knew I was in for a difficult beginning.

Having become infamous now, it was time to reclaim my unknown identity. I had to prove myself that I am not what people view me as. Frankly, I am passive in others' opinions towards me. So why prove myself for others? For this reason, I am not the misconception painted by your mind. I am much more than previously thought beforehand. Allow me to display who I truly am and then you can dress me according to your desires. Therefore, after first impressions, I did what I imagine is best, to be myself. It seems to have enabled to override any certain experiences from before, a success.

To do hard things, it's exciting! It allows one to challenge who they are, to not back away when in the mind it may seem intimidating. A challenge is just another word for progress. On Monday I gave a speech and my opening words began as:

Failure, the result of trying to be successful in one's endeavors.

Success, the result of surpassing one's failures.

 The terminology for success always differs from one person to another, however in the end, many people would like to be successful in their life, whatever it may mean for them. Nevertheless, if one wants success, failure is bound to be confronted like a runner faces hurdles. Should one stumble, two options are presented: give up and come to terms with reality, or get up, come to terms with reality and the power of their decisions, and continue moving forward. The challenge, then, is presented in many angles, but should one put one foot over the other, then, like water, grow resistant to the wall hardened by pressure and carve out a path only limited by mind, yet also limitless by mind.

Ah! the potential of mind! The power is just right there, in our very hands. It's exciting. I love it!